We often talk about connection, but far less so about how to actually create it, as if it’s something that should just happen naturally. In reality, meaningful connection is rarely accidental. It’s built over time, through small, intentional actions repeated again and again. 

When it’s missing, we feel it, not just emotionally, but physically too. An ever-growing body of research shows that a lack of social connection can have serious consequences for our health and wellbeing, bring long term health risks if left unchecked and is equally as important as our physical and mental health. So, if connection matters so much, what’s the best way to actively create it?

To explore the question, we asked five ‘connectors’ in the Adelaide Hills community for their advice. These ‘connectors’ each in their own way, are experts at bringing people together. We asked them one simple question: what creates meaningful connection? Here are 5 things you can try straight away. 

• Niki Bonfield, Counsellor, Art Therapist and Author
  Connection begins the moment you allow yourself to be seen as you truly are. So often, we try to connect from behind a version of ourselves we think is more acceptable or easier for others to understand. But genuine connection tends to emerge when we soften that effort to “fit” and instead show up with honesty, whether that’s sharing a thought, an experience, or even an uncertainty.
  
  
• Bharat Sundaresan, Sports commentator and Sparkie
  Embrace the language of listening. Really focus on it. And what I mean by that is everyone you meet, whether it’s for 5 seconds or 50 minutes or 5 years, make sure when you’re with them, you’re with them – your mind, body and soul is there. That’s the only way you’ll be able to form firm connections. If you’re with someone and you’re ‘half-assing’ it or you’re sort of committing to them, but your mind is somewhere else, you won’t be able to form a deep-rooted connection.
  
  
• Steph Kilpatrick, Founder, Adelaide Hills Pantry
  Find a way to add value without asking for anything in return, and the returns will come naturally. The key is authenticity. If you’re showing up just so you can extract value down the line, people can tell. Show up to genuinely give, and the value comes back around because you’ve added it first.
  
  
• Hayley Everuss, Spark Community and Engagement Lead
  Be brave and give yourself time. When you’re trying to find new friendships or joining a new group, you may need to put yourself out there more than once before friendships stick or you find the right group for you – that is completely normal. Belonging takes time, building trust takes time and finding your people as an adult isn’t easy. Saying ‘I’m new and I’m a bit nervous’ is totally normal and if you’re in the right place people will support you to raise your courage.
  
  
• Nathan Daniel, Mayor Adelaide Hills Council
  We can cultivate connection by providing people with the space to feel heard. Allowing others to share their experiences, ideas, and perspectives is one of the simplest and most meaningful things you can do. 

One more to try
Here’s one simple thing you can do straight away, inspired by the great Vivek Murthy (the Grandfather of connection). If you think of someone – reach out to them straight away, don’t wait. Send a text, an email, leave a voicemail or give them a call. Let them know you’re thinking of them. 

Unfortunately, there’s no magic pill for creating more connection in your life, it’s something you cultivate with intention, grow and maintain over time. It’s built through repeated positive interactions that create trust and belonging. It’s about consistency and not expecting too much too soon. Keep showing up even if you’re not sure or if it feels outside of your comfort zone. 

You don’t need to transform your social life overnight. Start small. Send the message. Join the group. Stay a little longer in the conversation. Meaningful connection is often built one small act of courage at a time.

And remember to be kind to yourself, notice even the small wins and don’t make assumptions – perhaps reaching out to someone didn’t lead to the kind of catch up you needed today but take them up on the rain check! 

So keep reaching out. Keep showing up. Keep giving people the chance to know you — and giving yourself the chance to know others too.

Words by Jo Kileyf